Monday, 26 March 2012

Teens, Families and Feelings

My children and I had been down in Sarasota, FL visiting my mom, and we had been driving back to the airport to catch our plane back to Boston. This essential us to drive more than the Sunshine Skyway Bridge, a dramatic and -for me- SCARY bridge. The children, about 6 and eight years old, had been thrilled that as we had been about to cross the bridge a significant cruise ship was about to go underneath it at the same time.

They did not notice my white knuckles as I gripped the steering wheel or the terror on my face they had been busy calculating the timing of the ship vs our clearing the top of the bridge. As their excitement grew so did their exclamations - and my terror. You see I was remembering the 1980 disaster when that bridge was hit by a tanker and 35 persons died. I did not want to tell them of my terror or of the disaster. I was attempting to hold myself together and just drive. I am not pleased to report that ultimately I lost control of my emotions. I exploded and shouted at them to settle down. My children had been shocked. They hadn't even been aware that I was afraid.

Feelings drive our behavior. They drive our responses and reactions. Feelings are neither beneficial nor bad on the other hand we do have to have to discover appropriate methods to manage them and express them.

How does your household express emotions? Are they expressed? Are they valued? Talked about? Are there some feelings that are not allowed? This is an imperative subject due to the fact your teen's emotional globe deserves validation, respect and nurturing. His emotional health depends on it. And so does yours.

Too sometimes, in the name of teaching appropriate behavior and guiding our children they hear a message we may well not certainly mean - that specific feelings are not okay. We may well say "Do not feel that way!" or communicate that specific feelings won't be tolerated by us. Basically, it really is imperative to let your teen know that all feelings are legitimate and okay. The feelings aren't the difficulty, it really is the behavior they drive that may well have to have your guidance.

What does feeling our emotions do for us? For starters we must know how we feel in order to be able to fill our emotional desires. We must communicate how we feel in order to get the emotional help and understanding we have to have from other individuals. Your teenagers have to have your help in creating their emotional literacy.Let's discuss why this is imperative.

Name that feeling: When you let your teen know that all feelings are okay, they are additional likely to develop an emotional vocabulary that will assist them acquire an insight into their inner globe. This is vitally imperative. Ask your teen to name the feeling identify it, and sit with it. Ask oneself honestly if your teen gets the message that feelings are okay or if there are some you will not tolerate.

No instant gratification here: A single imperative life lesson that all teens must discover is that their desire for instant gratification won't always be met. In reality, life comes with difficulties, challenges and circumstances that lead to uncomfortable feelings. Not anything gets settled nicely. At times we have to have to discover to live with ambiguity and discomfort. Teach your children that they can feel these feelings, and live with them. That is component of life. I am reminded of this every day in my meditation practice, and pleased to report that we have the capability to develop outstanding coping abilities when we have the intention and desire to do so.

Validate your child's feeling If you let your kid know that specific feelings are not allowed, you are telling your kid in some way that s/he is not extremely imperative. At times all a person desires is to be noticed as they are recognizing that your teen is feeling a specific way may well deliver all she desires to move on. Moreover, by legitimizing these emotions you have the chance to speak about them, and guide your children to appropriate expressions and behavior. Teach your children to explore their feelings, and to tune into them as a form of self-guidance. Absolutely our emotions teach us a lot about the globe around us.

Unexpressed feelings undermine relationships and emotional health

Feelings that stay underground can consume away at us - I daresay most adults have had this encounter. With depression amongst our teenagers at virtually epidemic levels, teaching them to tap into and respect their feelings is a fundamental lesson.

Use feelings to open and boost communication As you traverse and manage the inevitable challenges with your teenagers, bring the emotions out on the table. Ask your teen how she is feeling permit him the chance to express himself. Share how you are feeling in hassle-free "I" sentences. Let your teens know that all feelings are allowed. When feelings are expressed you'll have the chance to see exactly where mis-communication has occurred you'll benefit by clearing the air and obtaining past erroneous assumptions. Assist your teen create her emotional vocabulary and not be afraid of intense feelings.

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